Another Fine Mess!!!!

We're back! Not a bad flight with our friends easyJet:

I had stocked up with a selection of pies from John the butcher in Pelaw, and thoroughly enjoyed my two, with a relatively large slice of his lovely black pudding! My 'tablet' Christmas gift and headphones were also a great boon, as I now have even more of my depressing music on it (that's Freda's opinion) and I could listen to it without being harassed! Five and a half hours of a mixture of Steeleye, the Watersons, Swan Arcade, Sonny Boy Williamson, Cream, the Stones, Melanie Safka, the Spooky Men, Bob Dylan and the incomparable Leonard Cohen, and many others who don't get much of an airing on today's wireless!

For the first time I can remember, I had a window seat on the port side, so made the most of it by taking a picture or two:

It must be de rigueur to have a shot of the coastline as one passes over? And the desolate wastes of the desert I always find curiously enticing! I cannot help but imagine myself along with John Mills, struggling through the Qattara Depression in that old Austin ambulance in the wonderful film "Ice Cold in Alex".

Did I ever tell you that I used to be a member of the 'Sons of the Desert'? "What, what?" I can almost hear you cry.

Actually, it's the title of a 1933 Laurel and Hardy movie; that just might give the game away as to what and who the 'Sons of the Desert' were and are. That's right Dear Reader, we were and are fans of the most hilarious double act ever created; Stan Laurel and Oliver 'Babe' Hardy. Here's an advert for the film:

The various (worldwide) groups of fans were organised into 'Tents' (pretty obvious, eh?) and held regular meetings where at least one film would be watched, lots of booze drunk (except by those teetotallers [guess who] who would be driving their drunken mates home, of course) and memorabilia pored over and swapped etc.

Our Tent was at North Shields, once the home town of Stan Laurel before he went to the USA and made it big. We also had occasional visits to other Tents, and I remember well going to the Tent at Carlisle, I provided the coach which I drove myself. (I decided to wear my bowler hat, just for effect, and the man who ran the Carlisle Tent asked if I always wore it while driving!) He also ran the 'Laurel and Hardy Museum' at Ulverston, Stan's birthplace, and the 'Cars of the Stars' motor museum in Carlisle, which were both very interesting. I wonder if they're still there?

Anyway, I'm sure that there cannot be many of you who haven't heard, or didn't recognise, that most famous of quotes from our big fat mate Ollie: "That's another fine mess you've gotten me into!" Which brings me back to part of the subject of today's offering; we came back to Luxor, and a right old mess! Although, not in the strictly accurate meaning of the word 'mess', what we actually had (or not) was NO WATER!

Apparently, the water pump had been operating by itself when no-one was in the flat. Being worried that the pump would burn itself out, Adam (Coffeeshop Adam from over the road) had turned off the water and switched off the pump. He also had a 'plumber' out to see what the trouble was. Being a 'really plumber', he checked everything in the flat before fiddling with the adjustments of the electronic 'Automatique' and the pressure regulating valve, whilst not noticing that the water filter, in its see-through cannister, was actually clogged solid! (OK, I was supposed to change the filters and switch off the water before we left, but I forgot; I've already been reprimanded and had my chocolate rations withheld!)

Poor Freda had to cope with the unpacking and initial cleaning (so we could at least get into bed) by herself, while I found friend 'Hani the Plumber' and we tried to get something moving. Eventually, I decided that it wasn't the 'Automatique', which Hani was convinced that it was, but that the pressure regulator had been screwed right down till it wouldn't allow water through at all! After stripping, cleaning and adjusting the regulator, we managed to get the pump to work, but only by switching it on and off manually; the 'Automatique' was actually faulty and has been replaced last night. It was really good of Hani and his mate Ayman to come out and sort it out for us, as they are both Coptic Christians and yesterday was their 'Good Friday'!

Having my dodgy legs, still, I'm not overly fussed about traipsing up and down ladders at the moment, not that I ever was mind you! So we've had our carpenter mate Abdu, from New Karnak, back to do the finishing off of the fascia on the new roof. It entailed another couple of sheets of the Islamic patterned latticework and 20 metres of architrave, but that's not all. He's coming back tomorrow to try and get it finished before Monday. As you should all know, Dear Readers, Monday is the Pharaonic festival of 'Sniffing the Breeze', where both Christians and Muslims join together to welcome in the Summer. (Or, is it more to do with the expected 'inundation' does anyone know?) Whatever! I expect that it'll be difficult to find anyone willing to work on that day.

Here are a couple of pics, just to remind you of how we left the new roof when we went on holiday to Windy Nook:

Mentioning Easter, reminded me that they're getting on with our new Coptic Church! The bell-tower lights are busy being sorted out:

I promise that I'll get you a better picture eventually.

Copy-catting is still as rife as ever here. I was surprised to see the coach in the following picture. It looks brand new, and has Neoplan badges on the front. It's a two axle Neoplan Cityliner, but they don't make them anymore.

 A-ha, all was revealed when it passed me! Although I didn't have time to get a snap, you can believe me when I tell you that the back panel and rear window were all wrong, and it had Chinese badges all over!!!!!!

On top of everything else which is currently going wrong here in Egypt, there is now a shortage of bottled drinking water! The mains tap water is actually quite safe to drink here in Luxor. Although I wouldn't recommend drinking it for long periods (Egyptians seem to suffer a lot of urinary tract problems) I firmly believe that the high concentration of chlorine in it would kill 99% of all known germs. (That sounds familiar, doesn't it?) Our filter system removes the sand particles down to 5 microns, and the activated carbon filter is supposed to remove the taste of the chlorine before it gets to the actual taps. But I still prefer the taste of the bottled vintage!

It seems, however, that at least one well from which the bottled water is drawn has become contaminated, and has been closed down, and Nestle (who produce 60% of the bottled water in Egypt) had a fire which has seriously disrupted their production. It's not looking too good, and it's against the law to import drinking water! I'd better find some before our next guests arrive on Wednesday, hadn't I?

I'd better be off to bed now, or I won't be getting up in the morning. Good  night, and God bless.

Sing, sing all earth!

Well, on our last Sunday before returning to sunnier climes, I had the opportunities to sing in the bass chorus of Olivet to Calvary at Springwell Chapel, in the afternoon, and join in with the 'congregational' singing at the South Shields Folk Club in the evening. A full day, but I was unable to make the evening service at our own place at Windy Nook, due to stuffing my face at the Faith Tea after the Cantata and not arriving home till almost 5.45!

The Cantata is the same one we sang at Windy Nook on Good Friday, only with a few more voices in the choir, so I'd had several practices before that. With the extra practice last Wednesday, I should have been OK; after all I'd been singing it every other year for about 40 years previous to moving to Luxor!!!

Brother-in-law Roy, chose not to actually sing this time. He would sit in the congregation with my mother. Mmmmm, perhaps he could be persuaded to take a few pics with my easy-to-use Samsung camera? Good old Roy, always game for a laugh! Trouble was, the camera decided to not work for him. (He probably doesn't have the tender, caressing touch that the camera is used to!)

I took it from him and snapped..........

By this time, quite a number had disappeared into the hall to partake of the Faith Tea. I was stopped on my way by two ladies whom I hadn't seen for about 40 years! We had quite a chin-wag about the days when we made up the 'Young People' of our respective chapels, what a hoot; two flash birds who had suddenly transformed into two 67 year old 'old bags'!!!! (In truth, they were still very good looking, but a bit old for a youngster like me at 62!) By the time I got to where the goodies were arrayed, there were only a few sausage rolls left in the savoury section, but there were cakes aplenty! Different types of chocolate cake, two or three different sponge sandwich cakes, some delightful little scones with jam and cream plus a host of 'Mr Kipling' type (bought, as opposed to home-made) tarts and buns etc. I sampled one or two (?) with a few cups of 'Chapel Tea'. 'Chapel Tea' is invariably too strong for my delicate taste buds, but I managed with the addition of an extra bit of boiling water.

On eventually getting a lift home, I had a half hour nap on the sofa before making some nice Ceylon tea and then making my way across to our Chapel to cadge a lift to South Shields with our Susan and Roy. We were going to see a singing group called GU4, pronounced Guffaw. (About GU4)

In case you aren't aware of how British folk clubs generally operate: They are peopled by folk song afficionadoes who sing or play (or both) folk music of various types. Most members will perform in front of the others as they meet week on week, and depending on the club finances, they might have special paid guests now and then who might be professional or at least semi-professional. This week at South Shields, we had the very famous professional Benny (The Whale) Graham, not as the guest, but just as a visiting singer! There were also a few others who were semi-professional in the gathering (our Susan knew most of them, but I didn't know them from Adam!) I managed to get a video of GU4 which is short enough to put on here. They aren't everyone's cup of tea, but their music and style are right up my street!

They asked two of their semi-professional friends who were in  the audience (Barrie and Ingrid Temple: http://lfd.org.uk/temples/) to join them for their last encore, they are on the right of the picture. (They sang earlier just as a duo, and were tremendous.)

That's just about it for now, I think. Insh'Allah, my next posting will be from our home in Luxor, where we'll be spending the next week or so cleaning out five weeks worth of the Sahara before our next guests arrive. (They're on their honeymoon, I do hope that they find our place romantic enough!!!!!)

Toodle pip!

Sounds good to me?

Yes, that's what I said last week, and this week; 'the proof of the pudding was in  the eating'. (That's a bit of a proverb, in English.) We ended up back at Hexham on Saturday the 27th, especially to visit the 'Eating Festival'.

We came towards the town centre from the bottom end, where the local 'bus garage used to be, and managed to get the last parking space in the car park opposite the old Tannery and near the Public Baths. My legs haven't been too good, so I was thankful that I wouldn't have too far walk. We were up the street and next to our favourite 'Ashbourne House' in  no time, among musicians who were playing and singing some dreadful (Lennon sounding) pop song! Just on the (closed) road there, was a stall selling 'Chai and Tiffen', but we were too eager to get inside the shop to stop and try some.

On opening the door, I was surprised to find a very large camera lens about a foot from my face and pointing straight at me! It was a big movie camera as well, and wielded by a young girl who didn't look strong enough to pick it up, never mind control it. We found that we were sharing our favourite junk shop with one of the 'experts' whom I've seen on the telly on one of those antiques programmes, where members of the public contend with each other with the 'expert's' help. With it being the day of the Spring Fair and Eating Festival, the town was very busy, and the shop had far too many people in it for safety. Not 'Elf-n-Safety' you understand, it's just that there's very little space between the fragile stock of glass, china and other breakable goodies etc on the main floor to start with, never mind having a camera crew battling for space too!

We came across a lovely wooden rocking duck, which I immediately envisaged little Coco sitting in. It wasn't badly priced, either, but Freda was frightened that he might fall out of it; end of story! Actually, there were a fair number of bits and pieces which we would have not had a second thought about carrying home in years gone by. But times change, as do priorities and space to display such delectable 'treasures', so we left empty-handed.

The Iranian man's lovely shop, over the road, had the usual "Back in 10 minutes" sign in the door, we haven't seen it open since we bought the table cloths (made in Esfahan) from him about 6 or 7 years ago! We slowly made our way up to the Market Place, where we came across our first dancers of the day:

I didn't know how long the dance would last, so stopped filming where I did, only to find that it finished about 10 seconds later! Here's the final scene;

These were men from 'Hexham Morris'; more of them later.  

This was outside the Abbey, and just a little farther on is the entrance to the park, where it was ALL happening! Another music group were just inside the gates, but they were busy tuning-up and things, so we just passed on to the tent village where every sort of craft imaginable was either for sale or on show. (A jar of lovely home-made lemon curd found its way into Freda's bag.) Farther on, we came across what was passing for a 'Classic Car' display, all we could see at first was a line of Minis!

Never  mind, we soon left the 'Minilite' (non-standard) alloy-wheeled BMC products behind, as we came across a few more interesting marques:

Not that the '71 MGB was all that interesting, but the beautiful Lagonda standing next to it was a cracker! As were the '64 Rover and the memory rekindling Ford Thames pick-up. Strangely (or so I thought) there were two old (think the Maigret TV series of the sixties) Citroens, and a really old (possibly 'vintage') Renault, plus a pristine LHD Yankee Model "T" Ford. Obviously, I didn't bother taking pictures of these foreign interlopers!

Next were the food tents!!!! We made a bee-line for the "HOGROAST" (another 'obviously' I dare say!):

I would apologise for the inclusion of this part to my Muslim friends, but they've never had the opportunity to taste this delicacy in a big soft bap (bread bun) with lashings of apple sauce and a generous spread of sage and onion stuffing; oh, what a joy, and oh, what they're missing!!!!

When I arose from the table to find a bin for the wrappings, I heard someone call my name. "Who could possibly be here who knew me?" I thought. I could hardly  believe my eyes when they beheld a large, fully-grown, man who had the face of a twelve year old boy who I used to take to school when I had mini-buses! Of course that was a few years ago.

Thomas Foden; Site Security Man (and general 'bouncer'!) I was delighted to see him, but I was also shocked in equal measure to find out that he was now 39! (And a bouncer for 20 years!) It also came as quite a surprise that he should have recognised me, with my white hair and everything, after some 27 years or so. (Then again, I do realise that I've managed to keep most of my youthful good looks, as those of you who know me personally will no doubt testify!) I was very encouraged to think that I'd made enough of an impression upon that young lad all those years ago, that he should not only remember me, but want to make himself known to me and renew our acquaintance as well.

The next musical group we came across was the Hexham Town Band. What a mix of different instruments! No brass to see or hear, but guitars, ukuleles, a banjo, fiddles galore; melodeons and a piano accordion and at least one '48 key' English concertina (hidden away at the back), a saxophone and a flute:

The '48 key English concertina, which looks (from this angle) to be exactly the same as mine!

The players seemed to be a rather eclectic bunch as well; from hippies to housewives, and pot-smokers to professors! Actually, there were a goodly numbers of renegade hippies 'floating' about. (Peace and Love, man!) I was, on more than one occasion, almost tempted to laugh out loud! I always feel that it's so sad to come across people who refuse to grow up. Of course we all hanker after the times before we became responsible people with jobs and family to consider; but if we all decide to 'drop out', Dear Reader, then who will provide us with the things we all need on a daily basis?

Never mind all that, this isn't a political blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before too long here came the Hexham Morris again:

Sorry about the quality, but as you know I'm not the best when it comes to technology! However, I've found the size settings for the video bit on the camera, so just filmed the original while playing it on the lap-top; simple!

I love to watch stick dancing, in either of my home countries. Of course they're very different; in Luxor it's more commonly known as stick fighting, I suppose that the Sayidis might consider dancing to be a rather effeminate pass-time! Nevertheless, they're both great to watch, and, I should imagine, great to participate in! (I'd love to see a Morris crew turn up at the stick dancing at Luxor's moulid! Wouldn't it be great?) 

We'd seen most of what we really wanted to and, as it had turned quite chilly, we started to make our way down through the park towards where the car was parked. As we neared the bowling green, we could see that the old guys were setting things up for a match, and it must have been a big one, as all the green was to be utilised. Just then, the sun came out from behind the clouds, and I thought that it would be  nice to get a few minutes of the  bowling on camera, just for you, Dear Reader. I got a couple of decent shots of the green while we waited:

OK, the other one wasn't very good, so I've spared you having to look at it! In the event, we sat for about 20 minutes (till the sun again disappeared behind the gathering clouds, and it turned cold again) before realising that the match would probably start at 2 o'clock, which was 4 minutes after our 3 hour parking ticket expired. So we decided to push off, rather than win a parking fine! 

While we wondered around, I had just had to have a cup of tea (as you might have guessed) and this time we tried a larger cafe on the main through-road. (I cannot now remember the name.) I had a large piece of warmed ginger cake with my cuppa, and Freda tried their lemon sponge sandwich cake, I think I'm safe to say that we'd both have them again! The biggest drawback, other than the size of the place, was the very steep angle of the stairs which led to the toilets; looking down from the top, it made me dizzy! 

All in all, another example of what a good 'day out', Hexham can be, well done!

Didn't we have a loverly time the day we went to .......................Hexham!

I suppose that it'll be only the English reader (and even then, probably not many?) who might recognise the plagiarism involved with the title of this post? So, for those of you to whom it's just a statement with a misspelling; here's where the original came from: 

Even if the weather's not too grand, we do like having a trip out to the Northumberland market town of Hexham, it's different! Invariably, either on the way there or on the way back, we call at one of our favourite little tea shops. It's in the village of Mickley Square, which lies directly on the A695 midway between Prudhoe and Stocksfield.

(Mickley Square is also where visitors can find 'Cherryburn'; the birthplace of the famous Northumbrian artist and engraver Thomas Bewick, which is now owned and cared for by the National Trust.
More info at http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/cherryburn/visitor-information/ )

Anyway, back to the tea shop! Here it is, as you can see, it's called by the strange name of "Jiggery Pokery".

As well as being a little gem of a teashop, they also sell antiques and bric-a-brac. Some absolutely fascinating pieces, as well! How about their long case clock?

Oh look; it's 'P' to 'G'!!!

We enjoy the lovely atmosphere of Jiggery Pokery, the owners and staff are very nice, and of course the snacks and cakes are to die for! I was quite taken aback, when (after ordering a tea, a coffee and a toasted tea-cake) the chap brought two plates, it seemed that our Luxor reputation for thrift had arrived before us! (As most of you already know, hotel staff in Luxor are used to providing us with two plates, as we generally share one meal.) But just have a gander at these cakes:

There's plenty of seating, as well, the shop entrance is on street level and it's full of interesting stuff. There's some very pleasant repro furniture alongside lovely antique pieces, and jumbled up in display cases are some really rare finds! (There were two beautiful glass and silver claret jugs, but too expensive for the likes of us.) At the back of this room there are about 6 steps up to the main teashop part of the premises, where there are about 5 tables, through another doorway they have several more tables, mixed in among the antiques etc.

 Ever onwards, we made our way along to Hexham. The charity shops here can (and do) turn up with some really choice articles! And, there are plenty of them, even a Buddhist one!

Our favourite Hexham shop is "Ashbourne House". It's choc-a-block full of antiques, junk, bric-a-brac, works of art and painting by numbers! It spreads over three floors and we just love it! Nevertheless, today it was closed. Mondays and Thursdays, we'll know for the next visit!

Never mind, we still had a few charity shops to browse through, and then to the "Cornmill Cafe" for our usual Welsh rarebit with mango chutney. We couldn't find it, how was that? No, it hadn't moved, we'd just walked past it; and it was also closed, but (horror of horrors) closed for good!

Wandering around the shops near the Market Place, we came across Robin the Busker, playing his melodeon. He was great, but he must have been a touch on the cold side!

Eventually, we ended up at "Mr's Miggin's Coffeeshop" which was perfectly adequate, but sadly a bit of a disappointment after being hyped up for my Welsh Rarebit!

We were parked near the fabulous Hexham Abbey:

Hexham has a great number of good quality shopping opportunities as well as it's charity sector, it also hosts different festivals etc. throughout the year For instance, on the 27th of April there is the Spring Fair and Hexham 'Eating Festival'! That sounds good to me!

By the time we left for home, we'd only spent a few pounds, but had an enjoyable time. The only real grumble was that I'd had to wear my coat, as it was very blustery and really quite cold. Never mind, we'll soon be on our way back to Luxor. Perhaps then, I can find something to write about that might actually interest you, Dear Reader!

Our Royal connection?

My younger brother is a bit of a genealogist and has spent a great deal of time over the past year or so compiling a book about our our recent family background. The idea was to collect and collate the memories of those of us who were still living in order for our future generations to have an interesting record of their forbears lives and experiences, and a general point of reference. My sister Susan was also involved in the printing and binding, and they hoped to have it privately published in time to give copies of it to our three children for Christmas. One of the reasons why it didn't get finished on time, was that I kept remembering little snippets which I thought shouldn't be left out.

When it did, finally, get done; we'd already departed for the foreign shores of our beloved Egypt, so didn't receive our copy until we got back here, just the other week.

I'm really impressed with the end result! Not only is it a great read, but it also looks and feels like a very professional job.

My maternal grandma was a Makepeace, a name which originated only in the English county of Durham. Our family connection to royalty stems from the daughter of our King Edward the second and his French wife Isabella. Born on 5th July 1321 in the Tower of London, she was consequently known as 'Joan of the Tower'. (But also, sometimes, as Joanna.) Joan was eventually married off to the son of 'Robert the Bruce', the King of Scotland as a major part of a peace treaty between the two warring countries. Joan subsequently became known as 'Joan of the Tower, make peace'!   While David (King Robert's son) was held prisoner at Neville's Cross (then a village to the west of Durham city) and presumably during one of her secret visits to him, she conceived a child, the offspring of whom actually adopted the name of Makepeace as their family name.

I'm not sure exactly what it was which was prompting me, around Christmastime, to revisit a rather spectacular grave in the cemetery of St Mary's Church at Heworth (quite near our home), but in the event, I didn't get! As our visit home for Easter neared, I again had this grave on my mind and determined to visit it on this occasion. It's a grave where the 'headstone' is a very elaborate affair, in the form of a four-poster bed with three sleeping children in it, very poignant. I knew that it was a Makepeace grave, but had no idea that our Richard was going to write about that section of the family in such detail, or include the story behind the grave!



I had intended to Blog the story of how the children all died in their bed after a candle had set fire to the bedroom curtains; it's just as well that I hadn't done it at Christmas, or else I'd have had to retract it very shortly afterwards!

I came across the same story in our 'Book', but Richard doesn't just take things at face value, and had therefore corrected this myth! The children actually all died at separate times, thus debunking the tale which had been passed down! Nevertheless, it's still a very sad monument to behold:

A family crest is displayed on the back, rather gruesome with the severed leg etc:

Anyway, seeing as I cannot report on what's going on in Luxor at the moment, I thought I'd just 'blow my own trumpet' a bit. By the way, there's really no need to bow when we next meet! Tarra.  

Orange, anyone?

I still remember the slogan from an old television advertising campaign; "Small ones are more juicy!" I've no idea if that's true, but we do like the odd glass of orange juice here at Our Luxor.

After being to the baker over the lines, I just had to snap this lot; 1.75le per kilo!

Funny thing is, that two hours later as I passed on the 'bus, at least half of them were gone!!! 

"Forty Sheets of Grey" (well, Silvery Grey) or "You couldn't make it up, really!"

I do hope that our Daily Mail friend doesn't mind me borrowing one of his catchphrases, but I don't think that I could have 'made up' the sequences of several events over the past week or so.

OK, I have the badly knees, and the thrombophlebitis, a bit in both legs as it happens. But the 'men' are also here to do the roof! What can I do? We've got some English guests due shortly, so the job has to be finished in time to get everything cleaned up before their arrival, obviously.

I stripped all the fancy patterned tent fabric panels off the inside of the shady bit of the roof terrace. It was like dismantling the Temples at Abu Simbel to move it out of harm's way, or the Beamish Methodist Chapel in order to rebuild it for posterity at the fabulous Beamish Museum. I numbered every piece of wood with an indelible magic marker, as I methodically undid all the screws.

The idea was, that Mr Abdu (the kid brother of our late carpenter, Taha) would come with his men and remove all the old roof and replace it with a new wooden frame (re-using as  much of the old timber as possible) on which he would mount steel 'wriggly tin' sheets which would fall away to the back of the building where the rainwater would no longer be our 'problem'.

Although I had previously calculated the weight of the timber used on the outer roof construction, I was quite taken aback at the actual volume that there was.

And that was just the start! There was still three quarters of the roof to go:

As it transpired, we ended up with an inverted 'V' shaped frame, with very shallow angles, and falling away to either side of the building. Here they are; Abdullah and young Mr Abdu, positioning the central support, and then a couple of shots of the results of their day's work.

Abdu calls Freda 'The Government', he's very shrewd for a young fellah! The Government had forbidden me to actually go onto the roof, but..........she knows only too well that you cannot leave Egyptians to do a job, and then go back expecting it to have been done to your specification! When I got up there, it wasn't really too bad, as long as I kept well away from the edges! Of course there was the old wood lying about everywhere, as it was being taken off, complete with nails.

It didn't hurt too much, when the rusty nail pierced the sole of my plastic 'pretend' Crocs, but it did bleed like Billyo! This actually gave me quite a fright, I'll tell you why: Two brothers now park their buses and coaches in the commercial yard which my family have had since 1955, and one of them also stood on a rusty nail. Three days later he had to have his leg chopped off at the knee!!!!!!!!!!! This was foremost in my deranged mind as I lumbered downstairs to enlist the help of Nurse Freda. All I wanted was to pour the whole bottle of TCP into the small wound, so I got rather (unnecessarily) annoyed with my nurse (who was doing her level best, bless her) when she tried to get me to wash my feet in a dish with a little of the magic liquid in water. After chasing her away, I managed to spill TCP on the priceless livingroom carpet (while getting plenty of it in the hole in my sole, mind). This frightened me more than the thought of losing my leg, to be honest. 

Never mind, my leg was still there three days later, without swelling up or turning black. Elhamdulillah, as they say hereabouts.

The story of the roofing sheets really deserves a blog of its own, but here we go, anyway: I first went looking for wriggly tin two or three years ago, and found the shop at Abu Jude. The man gave me the proper price straight away, and it was a nice shop. Hardware on the upper ground level, and steel of all shapes and sizes on the lower ground; just my sort of place!

Hoping that the price hadn't changed very much, I rang Ahmed the calleche man to take me around there, as Abdu wanted one sheet just to make sure of the size etc, and we haven't yet worked out which buses go where in that part of the town, not frequenting it very often. Something was amiss with Ahmed, as he would send his brother Samir. Never mind, Samir's fine!

Samir wasn't fine at all, when he eventually landed 50 minutes later! I was furious when I found that the metal shop had closed ten  minutes before we got there, as you can imagine. I asked him to come for me the following morning,  at 10.30 (after my next appointment with Dr Yacoub) and we would get the sheet then. That worked out OK, and I also got a prescription from the Doc for some Warfarin to thin my blood and therefore ease its passage through my dodgy leg veins, along with a new painkiller for the old knees.

Not being quite certain whether the steel man was Christian or not, Freda and I decided to pay him a visit on Saturday evening, to see if he could deliver the sheets on Sunday. Again, I rang Ahmed. "I'm very close to you, I'll be there in a minute", we trotted downstairs, expecting to just beat him there. We certainly did that! An hour or so later he and Samir turned up with the one calleche, and some cock and bull story about the wheel almost coming off. (He doesn't realise that I spent most of my working life among coach operators, and therefore know more pathetic excuses for being late than he could ever possibly imagine!) Never mind (again!), off we trotted along to Abu Jude where the steel shop was closed, again!!!!!

The railway crossing at Abu Jude is also closed (looks permanent too) and all the traffic is crossing at the one which is up our street. This crossing has been one of our cheapest places of entertainment over the years! I cannot really explain the overcrowded and rather complicated layout of the roads just now, but suffice it to say that the antics of the drivers and pedestrians are choice! Here's a picture, which might give you a small taster, although you've really got to see it 'in the flesh' so to speak, to get the full value. 

It wasn't long before Abdu and Abdullah were ready for the sheets, and just a few minutes before Abdullah and I were about to leave to get them on Monday, Abdu remembered another place, where he thought he might get a better deal. "Go for it!" was my pennypinching response.

The forty sheets duly arrived in the back of a motor-cycle truck, at a saving of some 300le or thereabouts, and were unloaded into the entrance of our building. The three of us carried one each, they're 3 metres long and 80 centimetres wide, and weigh (according to Abdu) 9kgs each. As you, Dear Reader, will know; we have 83 stairs to the roof, in 9 flights, with 8 x 180 degree turnings with landings. The landings are less than 3 metres wide as well as the ceilings being less than 3 metres high, so you can imagine that it's a bit awkward carrying these 3 metre things up there without the corners digging into the painted plaster on the walls.

The two workers had carried 5 sheets up before Abdu informed me that he couldn't carry on, as he had a medical problem with his neck, and I should get someone off the street to heave them up for 20le or something. That would be great, if I really wanted to have to re-plaster all the staircase I thought! I took the huff a bit, and told him that it was 'no problem', and that I'd just bring them up myself.

I'm sure you're laughing now, Dear Reader, but I also think that most of us have done equally stupid things in our lifetime! Here's a few of the beasts at the next but one top landing:

Shwire shwire, as the Egyptians say! Slowly slowly. So I spent the next afternoon and following morning carrying a 9 kilogramme, 3 metre steel sheet up 2656 steps, around 256 awkward corners, and trundling back down again empty-handed. At some point, I must have lost the power of reasoning, as when I saw our apprentice cleaner (Mr Rashad) I thought to ask him to help! Of course, he's always game for a laugh, is our Mr Rashad. I impressed upon him the need for great care, showing him exactly what I didn't want him to do to the walls with the edges or corners of the sheets. How could I be so STUPID??????? He managed to catch every wall on the way! Surprisingly enough, my knees and my superficial thrombophlebitis haven't complained too much, or at least, not yet, but maybe I should have taken my blood pressure after the incident with Daft Rashad!

I have to congratulate Abdu and Abdullah as they have soldiered on, and have managed to cover more than half the roof in the last two days. It really does look quite splendid!

So, I'm just getting into my new tablet regime, and they're just starting to have their effects, I dare say. Certainly my knees haven't been as painful in bed, and I've therefore been sleeping better, and the phlebitis hasn't been such a bother either, thanks to the anticoagulant. 

Freda and I stopped work early today, as we had an appointment with a visiting friend at the Winter Palace. She's good company, and seems to have as interesting experiences (or NOT, depending on your outlook) as we do. As usual, I was a little late in getting ready, and in my haste, I managed to almost slice my bottom lip off with the razor! Being the new 'Anticoagulant Boy', I was bleeding like a stuck pig, and it was 5 minutes past leaving time!!!!!

You just couldn't make it all up, could you?

The HHS (Haret Health Service)

Yes, things tend to be more 'local' here than in our home country!  (Haret being Egyptian for "Alley", remember?)

With this arthritis carry-on, I'm not the usual happy-chappie which all our neighbours have come to know and love. (Well!) But I have to admit that I've been quite surprised by the number of concerned reactions I've noticed to my hobbling around, it's nice to think that they care!

I've no idea why my knees should have started to hurt so much, so suddenly, but the right one in particular is really bad. It's that bad that I decided I would have to make use of the HHS. Dr Yacoub Geris has the ground floor of our building, and he's a gentleman! Although his consultancy fee is 44le, he refunds 40le of it when he is treating neighbours. His assistant, Girges, I've mentioned him to you previously Dear Reader, gets the other 4le. (Poor beggar, I call him all the names under the sun at times.)

Anyway, after a thorough examination, Dr Yacoub prescribed some effervescent granules to destroy the crystals which he was sure were the immediate cause of my pains, and some anti-inflammatory capsules to ease the pain and reduce the inflammation. I did notice that the capsules were, in fact, Diclofenac by another name! Never mind, I thought, they're only for a short term, and should therefore be OK. (I had been taking Ibuprofen for my back, as well, but stopped these.)

By the time of my follow-up visit, I had noticed some pain on the inside corner of my calf, just below the knee. It was familiar, but I couldn't say how? Dr Yacoub explained it away as probably a bit of muscle pain due to not walking properly because of the arthritis. However, as I was struggling to get to sleep with the arthritis pain that night, I remembered where the other pain was from; "Thrombophlebitis of the superficial leg veins", which I had suffered with some ten or so years ago. I did feel better, now that I knew what I was dealing with!

When I told the doctor about this, he insisted that I should have a sonography test, at a local radiological clinic, just to be sure. Of course Freda was ahead of everyone, and had me unable to fly home at Easter because of having DVT! We eventually found the Teba 2000 clinic on Mustafa Street, where the bloke agreed to charge me "Egyptian Price" (100le) on production of my passport. Another journey!!! Mind you, later that day, the ultra-sound was done very professionally, and I was presented with the pictures and a full report within about 5 minutes of the examination being completed. After explaining all the ins and outs of my leg veins, the report corroborated my initial diagnosis, and also stated that there was no DVT! It's funny how several Egyptians will say "Hello Doctor" when they see me in the street; they must realise that I was (in my youth) going to be a doctor, only I never had the patience..........boom boom! (Sorry about that, I just couldn't resist it!)

I took this pic of the computer screen, just so that you would know that I wasn't making all this up!!!

After another bad night with the arthritis pain, I presented myself at Dr Yacoub's surgery again, complete with pictures and report. A prescription was written, and he told me that it was for a course of INJECTIONS!!!!! "Mr Edward will administer them for you" said he. Mr Edward is also know as "Igor", I've told you about him before as well. He's assistant to Dr Al Malach, the surgeon on the first floor of our building. He's also the person whom I've threatened to beat senseless on many occasions, when I've caught him depositing rubbish on the landing on the stairs!  

What a to-do!

Here are the dreaded ampoules and syringes:

He's already given me one injection in the stomach, and I've to go back to him at seven o'clock this evening. I'd better try to be nice to him, I suppose?

If I'm still here at the weekend, I'll try to bring you up to date! Wish me luck?

You'd better get your skates on!

That's taken me back a few years! Do you remember your skates? I certainly remember mine, they were like these:

Very noisy, as they had steel bearings for wheels, and dangerous as they had no brakes (which were known as 'Stoppers' when they did finally arrive, along with the rubber wheels), we must have been mad. I wonder what the elf and safety police would have thought of them. No doubt our parents would be arrested for child abuse, or neglect at least, in this day and age!

Remember this, as well?

Never mind, that's not the point of this Blog, it was just that the Blog title disturbed my memory banks!

To the matter in hand, then. 'You'd better get your skates on'; if you want to join in Luxor's latest "Healing and Relaxation Program" (sadly being conducted by people who cannot spell!) which is being held at the Steigenberger Nile Palace Hotel on February 22nd and March 1st. The first session was on the 15th, but it wasn't all that well attended:

Mind you, as we were coming away I did notice our friend Mr Gamal, the Steigenberger Chairman, arriving on scene in his very fetching dark blue patterned track suit!!!!! (I didn't take a snap of him, as I don't want to be banned from his hotel forever!)

Here's the advertising sign in the lobby:

Isn't it funny; Thai Chi. Mispronounce it and it turns into Chai Thi, I think I'd better have a cup just now.
Byeeeee!

Who remembers Dave Berry, from the 60's?

"Little things, that you do, make me glad I'm in love with you." Yes, that was him, I thought he always came across as rather creepy, with a face which looked, even way back then then, as if a cosmetic surgeon had been serving his apprenticeship on him, poor beggar! Here he is on YouTube.



Well, I love some of the 'Little Things' which our Dell laptop does in conjunction with its Etislat USB modem. But I also hate it with a vengeance!!!!!!

I decided, the other day, to try to get our Lexmark printer to load onto the laptop. I'd tried before, but was left with a message saying that although it was loaded it might not work as it had troubleshooting issues, or something to that effect, and it wouldn't actually work at all. But you know when you just know that today is the day?

It turned out that today (well, the 'other' day!) it really was. I must admit that it was a bit more of a clart (Colloquialsm: "clart" (or clart-on) in this case the word "trial" could be the more commonly used) than I had expected. It kept me occupied for quite a while, but I eventually managed, so we can now scan things into the laptop again, although we cannot yet print, as we've no (Number 17!) black ink cartridge for some unknown reason, so I couldn't even try to get it re-filled!

Even the new 'spare' one has disappeared! 

Mind you, I dare say that if I took it down to the souk, I'd find someone who would knock me up a cartridge out of an old Coke can and squeeze a couple of Biros into it, just to get me going!!!! (I well remember, when we first came to Luxor, seeing a one and a half metre satellite dish made of soldered together Pepsi cans! Yes, really!)

Anyway, today's moan is really about Internet speeds!

As you all know, I'm just an HGV mechanic and Class One HGV and PSV Operator and driver (as well as latterly becoming a plumber, tiler, carpenter, A/C engineer, decorator, personal shopper, interior designer and part time guide and hotelier) so I've yet to even begin to understand the intricacies of computing and the Internet. But I'm sure that among you highly valued readers, there will be at least one of you who is technically clued up!

Here's the situation: All the laptops I've had here in Luxor have been connected to the 'net' via a 'dongle' of one sort or another. Being a straightforward sort of bloke, I began by believing whatever the techies at Vodafone told me, "it was the old- fashioned laptop slowing down the speed" or the blame lay with "the steel reinforcing in the concrete of the building". To cut a very long story short, and after going through three laptops in six years, I've now realised that the staff at Vodafone in Luxor all seem to be unrepentant and compulsive liars, and those at Etisalat (whose USB modem I'm now using) aren't all that much better!

Often, to pass the time as I'm waiting for a particular page to load, I'll watch the Etisalat dongle's statistics page. It's very interesting to see the trace line bumping along the bottom of the page, on or about the 5 kbps mark! (Did you know that human blood boils at less than 5 kbps? Well, you do now! I'll educate you yet.)

During loading the printer onto the laptop, I had to actually download (see, I'm getting the hang of the terminology, aren't I) a driver (?) from the Lexmark web-site. I was absolutely astonished at the speed it was downloading at. Here, have a butchers at this: (Sorry, that's another colloquialism, "Butchers" = "Butcher's Hook" = a look, or at least a cursory glance.)

                      

Yes, it's running at over 1000 kbps! So, can there be a problem with my laptop? When it finished downloading from that particular site, it went back to normal, see:

And then, back to taking up to a full minute to load a TripAdvisor, or whatever, page! It's also slower at certain times of the day. In all fairness, though, I have to report that my 7.2 mbps Etisalat dongle usually (maybe 70% of the time) delivers between 30 and 60 kbps, which I can live with, but when it's slow I feel like chucking it over the roof terrace parapet!

So! Is there an 'Oracle' out there, someone who can confidently pronounce upon my problematic situation? Are the Egyptian mobile companies just conning us dimwitted customers, or could it be an intermittent problem with the laptop, or could it be that there just aren't enough CO2 atoms in the unpopulated Egyptian desert atmosphere to carry the signal from here to there?

As if I didn't have enough to currently cope with, it now seems that Freda is trying to vegetarianise me! Just because I'm colour-blind, she thinks she can get away with slipping tomatoes into my mushroom and onion quiche! (Alfred had no smoked ham!)

Next thing you know, she'll have me walking out with a pastel coloured sweater draped fashionably over my shoulders and drinking Camomile tea, well she's got another think coming!!!!!!!