What was that? Say again?

I'm going ever so slightly deaf! It's been coming on for a long time, but it is becoming quite a problem. So I determined (long before we came home for the summer) to ask the doctor to refer me to the ENT Department of our local NHS hospital.

To digress, just for a minute; you know, don't you Dear Reader, that I've always had a fancy for old things. (Even my wife is coming into her own, now that she's a pensioner!) Old cars, old songs, old houses, old fashioned clothes, in fact; old ......whatever! Well, it struck me some time ago that an old fashioned ear trumpet might suit me down to the ground. After all, my hearing isn't really that bad, it's more that I have problems distinguishing speech amongst other (background) noise, mainly. And a directional trumpet might actually be as much use as one of these modern electronic mini-gadgets, which just seem to amplify ALL the noise.

Anyway, both of us had appointments with our GP (General Practitioner/family doctor; for the foreigners among you) this morning, and I had a shipping order (Colloquialism; shipping order = a long list) for Dr Groom to deal with, and my appointment was for 08:20, with Freda following directly on at 08:40. So, it was early to bed so as to allow plenty of time for showering, breakfasting and walking to the surgery (clinic).

For some unknown and ridiculous reason, I was awake at 02:30!!!! Tossing and turning, but not getting back to sleep, I finally got up at 04:00, just as one of our neighbours was starting his car as he rushed off to work. What to do at 4 o'clock in the morning? Ahhh! I could look for an ear trumpet on eBay, or anywhere, come to that. After all, I fully expect that when the good doctor does refer me to the hearing clinic, it will entail a wait of months on end; and a trumpet could be a good stop-gap until I was sorted out.

And so I did. eBay brought up several examples, most of which were modern, jokey type of things; with one or two being real antiques, and priced accordingly. Another one looked absolutely ideal! Here it is:

Is that a beauty, or what????

The auction isn't finished for a day or two yet, and the price has started to rise already, so I don't expect to get it. Never mind, it's probably a passing phase, anyway. However..................

After more or less dismissing this particularly enchanting hearing device as unobtainable, I clicked onto the next result on the Google list, and it was the MailOnline! (Before you ask; yes, I am a right-wing reactionary Daily Mail reader!) and all of a sudden, the following headline leapt off the page and smacked me right in the eye!

"Never mind surround sound - get an ear trumpet:"

How is that possible? And..... it was written by my favourite columnist, good old Richard Littlejohn. (Again, for the foreigners among you; he is a man who is almost universally hated for his perceived right-wing, flog-'em and hang-'em, views and style of writing.)

In the words of dear Mr Littlejohn....."You couldn't make it up!"


1 comment: